Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Live & let lie....

Rampant Rabbit cock ring
£25 from Ann Summers
As I was pottering around the house the other day with This Morning as light back ground noise I couldn't help but over hear the topic being discussed in 'The Hub'. According to a survey, apparently 48% or so of men take off their wedding rings when they go to parties or out with mates - even their work office party!!
With raised eye brows all sorts of things went round in my grey matter; Like the obvious question why get married in the first place? But also when they take it off when going to their office parties, whats the point in that, everyone you work with already knows you are married. In fact some of them may have even attend the big day & met your wife. However if something were to go on between work college's whether you have one more piece of jewellery on isn't really going to make any difference.

The main point I realised when mulling this over is the different approaches men & women have to this subject. For example men appear to be very sneaky & would go so far as to tell whopping lies to get a shag; Like removing their wedding rings, out rightly saying they are single even if they have a wife & 2.4 kids at home & even fabricating a completely lavish life style. 
Ball spreader cock ring £9.95 from Pabo
I for one have been a victim of this, a couple of times in fact but hey we don't have time to list them all. On a night out during my singleton days I bumped into an attractive man who blatantly said he was (not so) young, free & single. My response was as follows "Its very rare for good looking men to be single. They either have a wife at home or a girl friend in every town". After a little more digging I found out that although separated he was in fact married & even still had the ring on (biggest give away).           
Issue with that is men take away a woman's choice, if she has given you her time to stand & chat then she must be interested but honesty is always the best policy. If men just admit their situation from the word go then it is her choice if she chooses to continue getting to know you (depending on your circumstances & her conscience) or if she walks away. However if you don't tell the truth at some point you will be outed & one lie leads to another & so on, when if she knew from the start chances are she may have carried on anyway. 
Women on the other hand seem more upfront & will say out right; Yes I am married or with another but still want to get to know you if your up for it. Hence why females have the bigger balls :o)

Whilst I don't condone cheating & strongly believe that if you are thinking of it then clearly you shouldn't be with the one your with therefore should leave them first, my opinion is this; 
Electrastim cock ring £39 from Ann Summers
If you are with someone & want addition sex, attention or any sort of relations with someone else then your wife is your problem. You are the one attached not me so if you are found out do not bring it to my door, its for you to deal with & take the wrap. It is very frustrating that if a woman finds out her man has been fucking around it is ALWAYS the other woman's fault - why?? She is single & probably never even knew the wife existed so how come she has to harbor the blame....

I like to think I do everything in my power so my man doesn't want to & wouldn't cheat, then if he does decide to taste the forbidden fruits one day I could hold my head high & say it was nothing I had done.

The Triangular One £5.95
 from Pabo
So ladies, note to self - if you ever catch your man with his hands in someone else's pants hear her out first, don't just go for the throat. Chances are she will be as heart broken as you with all the empty promises she would have been fed & never even knew anything about you. So if that is the case try joining forces to show him what your made of, never know you may even end up with a new BFF :o)

****Who needs a wedding ring to keep your man when you could have a cock ring to add some
spice. The ones featured in this blog are a tiny few from the huge selection offered by Ann Summers & Pabo. So pop on over to their websites by clicking on the links in the blog & give your man a new ring to slip on for size****

Monday, 18 March 2013

Get that cake & eat it

People cheat on their partner's all the time & make up some ludicrous excuse as to why they couldn't keep it in their pants or their legs closed. But imagine if you were handed an excuse on a plate, you didn't even have to think of it....Well this is what it appears Anthea Turner has done, in a news paper article it is reported that she has blamed herself for her husband going off with another woman. She said that it is because she took a job abroad & spent weeks away which is when the marriage hit the rocks. This guy must be rubbing his hands together, I have heard the saying having your cake & eating it but this takes the biscuit. Not only has she forgiven him & is giving him another chance but she has given him a get out of jail free card.
Leopard thong for her not him

Don't get me wrong I agree that people are all to quick to throw in the towel on marriages these days but I do believe he was married when he met Anthea & cheated on his previous wife; Yet another well known saying comes to mind to do with leopards & spots (& its nothing to do with a leopard print thong!). So on one side she has just shown him a green card that she is willing to accept this sort of behaviour & no doubt he will do it again. On the other hand there is a thing called Karma & if their relationship started with that sort of behaviour then i'm not sure what she expected.
Leopard mankini yum!
Some women think they can change men, maybe even tame them when it comes to them being faithful but at the end of the day once a cheat always a cheat & if its in their jeans (& i'm not talking Levi's) then you either except it or move on.

When discussing such topics with my other half he just says 'She obviously wasn't licking the balls!' which of course is a typical man response. Lets be honest if all it took for a man to be in a monogamous relationship was for him to have his balls licked then dam us women would be laughing. Alas men appear to want their balls licked & then some & still go out & cheat, which just seems a little greedy.
I believe if someone, man or woman, chooses to cheat in a relationship then they are not with the right person. If you truly love someone, are in love with them & believe they are the one then you wouldn't have time to look else where as you would be to busy pleasing the one you are with!!

So don't just settle, don't except excuses & don't lick the balls unless you know he is 'The One'.

****All items featured in this post are from Ann Summers, click the links at the side of the blog to shop for these are many more goodies****

Friday, 15 March 2013

A cock or two....

Was £20 now £8 in the sale
As I was working earlier I was thinking about today's blog post & going over it in my mind, only to come home & be totally thrown off guard. I turned on my laptop to see a headline staring back at me "70 year old twin prostitutes retire after 50 years in the business" - how could I not write about that!! The thing is where to start, it is wrong on so many levels....

For starters I thought old ladies are meant to suck boiled sweets not cocks. They brag that they have slept with a whopping 355,000 men between them; on average that's 177,500 men each, which is 3550 a year each & which is 68 different men a year!! (well it works out to 68.2 men over a year but we will round it down as I imagine its a bit difficult to sleep with 0.2 of a man). 
Was £18 now £8 in sale
Why you would think it is ok to brag about this & advertise it to the world is beyond me; I mean one of them has four children & nine grandchildren not to mention a husband, how embarrassed are they gonna be?! I feel sorry for those who are related to these women, obviously they have not taken into account the impact their actions will have on their families. Apart from the fact that their poor children & grandchildren probably took some stick at school, which more than likely continued into their adult lives when they started work doing proper jobs, what about the husband?? Apparently he is not normal either as it was his friends who suggested all those years ago that it was the best way they could make money, some friends they are.

Was £28 now just £9 in the sale
Lets be honest though time has clearly taken its tole on these ladies & they are not the best oil paintings in the gallery, I would say they look like they have taken a battering but they have literally 177,500 times! If you ask most men what their fantasy is they will more than likely say two women at the same time & twins is an added bonus but Jesus (excuse me lord for taking your name) these two are enough to turn milk sour. Of course back in the day when they started out they didn't look as they do today but they were no Pamela Anderson's, even if they were they have still let themselves go on the looks front but one of them is still a prostitute 2/3 times a week. Which leads to the burning question; Who the hell pays money to sleep with that????
Personally I have never been to Amsterdam but I am 100% sure that there are a million times better looking hookers there then these pair. Never mind their faces imagine what their lady parts look like, I have heard the term Spaniels ears used before but theirs is no doubt beyond that. They must have no elastic or spring left in the skin down there - doesn't really bare thinking about, yuk.

Was £10 now just £3 - bargain
The mind really boggles when you read about these two, it makes me wonder what sort of life they had to end up like this & what are their morals, values & life ambitions if any, but hey I suppose 177,500 different cocks is an achievement right?? 

****Ann Summers currently has a sale online with up to 75% off - click on the links on the blog to grab yourselves a bargain :o) ****

Thursday, 14 March 2013

Whats your baggage allowance....??

When you meet someone new finding out all about them is half the fun; getting to know what you have in common, their likes/dislikes. In time finding out about their family & meeting their friends. However everyone has a past, nine times out of ten it has a habit of creeping up on you.
So how much of it is acceptable to carry into a new relationship?
It is always best to be honest & upfront with people, especially if you like them & can see your way to having a future with them (if its just a booty call then hell your business is your own). Obviously its not advisable to pour your heart out & tell them your life story on the first date, dam not even after a few dates but just be prepared that as things progress you will know when the time is right to have a heart to heart & share your skeletons.

Now having a past is one thing but having baggage this is a whole different ball game....
As I got older I realised it was more than likely anyone I was interested in was going to have baggage (being as I like men not boys - older & wiser); whether that be in the form of kids, a job or an ex!! Now if you meet someone that has previously been married be prepared that he is bringing some extra case's along, even if they didn't have kids, ex wives don't normally go quietly. Even if it was an amicable separation you can bet your bottom dollar that she is still sniffing around in the wings as they are still "friends"!!
Don't fall for the old line of "We were married once you know & we do have a past" because your response needs to be exactly that you have a PAST, which is where she needs to stay.
I know people that are in new relationships yet the ex partner comes round for dinner all the time & even sometimes stays over! I would love to be a fly on the way there, I mean what do they do exchange notes over dinner....(two's company three is a crowd & all that).

If your new partner has a child with their ex then be prepared that ex is going to be in your life whether you like it or not - at least till the child is 18 anyway & even after then you are bound to bump into each other at birthdays, Christmas' etc. 
Someone once said keep your friends close & your enemies closer, in this situation that statement could't be more true. You have to be polite (smile through gritted teeth if you have too) for the sake of your partner & the child; at the end of the day you don't want to be the one who is seen to be causing a scene - what you say behind closed doors when they go home is your own business :o)
Jealousy can creep in on both sides; the child's parent may feel pushed out, as in turn you may feel the same if you are not kept up with arrangements & such like. It can be a very difficult situation, one where someone may get stuck in the middle. Just remember a child is for life not just for Christmas so if you find "the one" who happens to have off spring from a previous partner weight up ALL the pro's & con's before committing; cause if you change your mind half way through or can't handle it then there is gonna be a whole lot of upset.
Therefore when you go into a new relationship look at it a little like going on an aeroplane - when travelling you have a 22kg baggage allowance, whats your allowance gonna be....??

There are of course many more bags that you can take to a relationship (I'm not talking Gucci ones either) but these we will leave for later posts as the list is endless & I don't want to spoil you too much & give you all the good bits in one go.

Thursday, 7 March 2013

A woman scorned....

They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but should we sometimes serve it hot or is it best to not serve it at all....??
If you have the mis-fortune to discover your partner is cheating on you then it can be devastating, like your whole world has ended; then you go through a grieving process. You grieve for the death of a relationship, which leads to a process of emotions - first sadness, then anger, then relief & finally happiness again (ok so there maybe a few more sad bits in there at times). 
On receiving this information you may start to blame yourself, thinking what is wrong with you, did you do something wrong. You will no doubt tell him you can work through this & it will all be alright - the fact he has just announced he has been pleasuring & sleeping with someone else for some times goes right out the window. No amount of begging is going to get him to change his mind, if he has been doing it for a while then you & he are definitely over when he decides to come clean, all because HE can't do this anymore (whop dee do thanks for that love, sorry you have been having such a hard time - literally by the sounds of it).

Probably the next day when you have time to think about it, as that's all you will have done, you will start to get angry - only natural & too right I say! However its not always best to react to this anger, as some years later you may just live to regret it. YES it will feel great at the time, who wouldn't love to expose someone for the cheating, dirty dog they are & make them suffer as they have you but this is definitely a where thinking first comes into play.
This is only £30 in the sale
For instance there was a lady in Peru who actually chopped her boyfriends cock off & flushed it down the loo!! That seems seriously drastic, I mean they weren't even married so goodness knows what she would have done then, maybe the balls would have been for the chop too??     
On a slightly less eye watering revenge attempt you have Vicky Pyrce who after being married to Chris Huhne for 25 YEARS found out he had been having an affair - he decided to tell her during half time of a World Cup footy match (least he didn't interrupt the football but could of waited till the match had ended!). She served her pay back by declaring that she had taken his speeding tickets & points to save his career, after all he was a cabinet minister & everyone knows that they are all innocent angels....(cough,cough). To be fair after being married for that long I think he got away lightly really, he should count his lucky stars he wasn't married to the Peru lady.

I think as painful & sometimes as humiliating as it is you need to rise above it & be the better person; keep your dignity, just like Princess Diana. It is said that Prince Charles was having an affair with Camilla for 20 years behind Diana's back. Now before I tell you how she took her revenge I have to ask one question; why? Diana was a beautiful woman who was always portrayed very well in the public eye, loved by everyone & did I say she was stunning - have you seen Camilla?? Face like an old prune, appears to have no personality or dress sense. Clearly looks didn't even come into it when he made that choice (either that or he puts a paper bag on her head when they get into bed).
Anyway her revenge, it was the best one of the lot, do you know what she did; she got her best, tight fitting, cleavage showing dress on, got all dolled up (complete with diamonds - probably bought with his money) & she went to a party. No you may think is that it but her pay back was so subtle, all she done was put 2 fingers up to him & send a message saying "Fuck you, I don't need you". And you know what she really didn't need him.  

Was £60 now £42 - bargain
So if ever you find yourself in this un-fortunate situation stop & think how you will look if you decide to take any form of revenge, don't just run for the carving knife. But whether you serve it hot or cold make sure you serve a double helping - one for him & her :o)

****Better still get on over to see my mate Ann (Summers of course) where you can get some extremely sexy garms so he isn't tempted to go else where. Click on the link on the blog & browse the delights****

Monday, 4 March 2013

Wag or slag....??

Since Girls Aloud split I have always been a Cheryl Cole fan; got the cd's, watched the interviews, read the paper's & now the book (which is fab). So imagine my disgust when I open The Sun newspaper on Sunday to find a two page spread on some tramp boasting that she had sex with Cheryl's ex husband all over their marital home!
Does she think this will make her famous? Does she not realise (or even read the paper) that she is just one in a long line of cheap fucks Ashley has had over the years? Another thing, does this girl have no morals - what will her parents think when they read it, bet they will be really proud!! I mean she is 22 years old, a mere child - clearly very naive &/or looking to make a quick few bucks. She gloats how they had sex all over the house, which the paper then goes on to describe as "they made love". Now I don't know what fairy tales she use to read but that ain't no love....

I have no idea why young girls aspire to be 'WAGS', most are all fake - boobs, hair, nails, tan, arse; who knows the possibilities are endless. Young girls seem to look at this as a career, waiting hours outside trendy clubs & bars to be allowed in or even just to get a glimpse of these men in the hope that they might get noticed. If you opened a dictionary & looked up the meaning of 'WAG' there would be a picture of barbie (the original plastic fantastic blonde) with a description of footballers wife & girlfriend. However most have a tendency to look the same, like they have been cloned.
Don't get me wrong there are a few who have slipped through the net - Cheryl of course is one, Victoria Beckham & Colleen Rooney. These three are all successful business women in their own right & have not become famous off of the back of their husbands fame.

These are love balls not footballs :o)
After reading the paper for a number of years now these girls should learn that they are just gonna be another find em, fuck em, forget em to these men & they should have more self respect for themselves. There have been a number of stories over the years about footballers 'roasting' girls (I must be getting old as I thought that was a dinner you ate on a Sunday??), cheating on their wives multiple times & sleeping with prostitutes; which puzzles me even more as to why girls want to be a part of that on purpose.
It probably appears all glamorous to start with but leopards never change their spots & if these young whipper snappers think they are going to be the one that tames these men then they are on another planet.

So to all wanna be 'WAGS' out there - up your standards, get some morals & self respect, get a job (a proper one) & keep it real. If one day you meet a footballer who turns out to be your soul mate then that's great but don't carry on making yourself look desperate, begging for it.
Learn from these girls in the paper - today's news, tomorrow's greasy chip paper :o)

****All outfits featured in today's post are from my mate Ann (Summers of course). Why not pop on over & see her, you might find a treat so you can have your very own football match between the sheets****

Friday, 1 March 2013

Silky surprise....

I am not one of these people that swap jobs every 5 minutes as I personally think it looks bad on your cv, however there was a time I found myself between employment & needed to make an income - introducing the Phone Sex Operator. That's right, men paid to call me at all hours, day or night, to talk sex. This job has got to have been one of the biggest eye openers for me & whilst I always state the two things in life I know about are men & shoes, I managed to learn a LOT more.
For instance, one of the most popular topics of conversation was that the man would say he was wearing, or had been wearing women's clothing!! The first time I heard "Ooh I've done something really bad, i'm wearing women's lace panties & I have been to the pub in them" it took all my strength not to laugh out loud; I had to be professional :o) However this became a regular thing that men would say on a daily basis, to the point where I would roll my eyes & think (yawn) can't you think of anything original.

So what is the crack with STRAIGHT men wearing women's clothing? Why would they want to do it & why would it be a turn on for them? Do they pretend they are a lesbian? (Even though when they look down they still have meat & 2 veg - go figure). Does this then in turn make the woman a lesbian?
One reason apparently is that they like the feel of the material, not sure I buy that one. Go & get your lady friend all the silky garms you want & rub them up, don't go & squeeze into them yourself. I mean picture it - you walk in & find a 40 something year old guy with a beer belly bursting out of your fav red silk chemise & with the matching thong wedged up his hairy crack; how on earth would that be a turn on for the woman never mind comfy for the bloke??!!

Jordan married Alex Reid knowing full well that he had an alter ego named Roxanne & openly dressed as a women (like that didn't look odd; a cage fighter in fish nets & high heels - that alone would make you run in the opposite direction surely). Although I think she did it for attention I think she took on little more than she could chew with that one, hence a big fat DIVORCE after just 11 months. Maybe he got chatted up more when they went out which dented her own ego - who knows.
If I came home & saw my bloke wearing any of my garments, underwear or otherwise I don't think I would be able to contain the laughter never mind get all fruity & have hot loving. So ladies if ever you go snooping & find some sexy lingerie don't get too excited it might not be for you :o)

****All products featured in this post are from my new mate Pabo, you can check out these & other items by clinking the link at the side of the blog. Don't worry Ann is still there too if you want to have a right good old shopping spree & visit em both - treat yourself :o) ****