Sunday, 30 December 2012

No strings attached....

While sitting having a festive beverage & finally putting my feet up after the mad rush that has been Christmas, I was watching some telly which gave me food for thought. Friends with benefits – conclusion = good film, bad idea that won’t work (well that’s my opinion anyway).

I mean as much as you both lay the rules on the table; it’s just sex, no strings or emotions, you have to inform the other person if you sleep with someone or meet someone else etc; let’s face it someone is ALWAYS gonna get hurt. As much as you tell yourself its only sex feelings have a nasty habit of creeping up on you when you least expect it & before you know it bam the big L O V E is involved!! Generally it’s the woman who falls for the guy & then is heart broken when the feelings are not mutual, he will give you the whole “we discussed this” speech which is great in theory but no one had the chat with your heart clearly….
From having known people who have been in this situation putting aside the heart ache the other down side is that it can wreck great friendships. One day you are telling one of your best friends your deepest darkest secret & sharing big fat belly laughs then the next there is awkwardness & silence – all because neither could be bothered to go out & meet someone or have another night of manual handling to satisfy an urge!

Obviously the film is a little predictable that they start off as two single friends who just want sex with no strings then fall in love (didn't see that coming, yea right). But when you watch it they could actually have some good selling points about this situation.
For example the first time they get passionate & start to get undressed ready for hot steamy sex, they actually tell each other what they dislike having done to them. She says to him that her nipples are very sensitive so are a no go zone, he prefers to go on top to help his male ego & so on. This way they can just get on with the job in hand, please each other then go home – jobs a good’en.
Now if this were a relationship this would be no good as exploring what the other person likes is half the fun but as they are just fuck buddies why not lay your cards on the table before laying on your back – after all your only there for one thing & idle chit chat or time wasting isn't one of them.

Having looked at the facts & weighed up the pro’s & con’s I’m sticking to my original theory that it is a bad idea. I mean come on with all the people in the world why would you make a deal like this with someone who is a friend. After all good friends are hard to find but good fucks can be ten a penny :o)

****Everything shown in the images can be purchased from my mate Ann (Summers of course) who is having a 75% off sale at the minute - you lucky buggers. So get on over & see her by clicking on the link at the top of the blog & grab a bargain**** 

Sunday, 9 December 2012

Slap & tickle

This is no joke!!

While looking through the wonderful world that is Facebook the other day I stumble across a photo of some foot panties – I kid you not. Now before I continue I just want to add that I liked a page on shoes & they posted about these garments (if that’s what you can call them) just in case you were wondering what sort of freakish things I follow!
Now after initially saying “What the fuck are they?” I then realised the only use for these would be in the bedroom for someone who has a foot fetish. I mean they serve no purpose what so ever, in fact they don’t even look good….

Now fetishes are funny old things, some of which I will never understand. Like the whole foot thing, feet are ugly looking things & some (mainly men’s) stink. So quite why people want to put them in their mouth & suck on the toes is beyond me, how can that be a turn on? No one will ever go near my feet; otherwise they will end up kicked in the face due to the tickliness.
There are lots of other freaky things people are into, like men who pay women to do things like kick them in the balls or walk over their back in stiletto’s – how the hell you can say that is pleasure is mind boggling. What on earth possesses people to part with cold hard cash for this stuff & what sort of woman is it that gladly takes the money to fulfil these acts? Don’t get me wrong I have met some idiots in my time & would gladly kick them in the balls for free but what you would get out of doing it to a complete stranger is anyone’s guess. However could be easy money, if you have no conscience.

Then there is the good old golden shower, yep you guessed it, someone somewhere likes to be weed on. There is only one question for this – why?? Why oh why would you let someone urinate on you & how could someone find this a turn on?? (Ok so that was two) I mean who dreams up these things like this, maybe it all started by accident – a couple started getting sexy when one was bursting for the loo & didn’t make it in time….
Got to be better than Gaffa tape 
Loved the episode of Sex In The City where they covered this, Carrie was dating someone that was a politician who made hints & then one day just came right out & said “I want you to join me in the shower so I can piss on you”. Obviously she declined this generous offer which led to him dumping her, I think I would have told him to piss off!  

There are less painful & humiliating fetishes like being tied up or being spanked; hey most people like a little slap on the arse in the throws of passion. Obviously I don’t mean getting a cane & beating someone’s arse till its red raw (even though I am sure this goes on as well) but a gentle slap that leaves a light sting from your partner while he is talking dirty goes a long way.

The Bondage belt - every girl needs one :o)
You can get some great accessories to aid in your slap & tickle, from hand cuffs & whips right though to different coloured S&M tape. You can also get some great outfits for those nights that you want to take charge & show him who is boss. So have a click on the link to see my mate Ann (Summers of course) & see what tickles your fanny, I mean fancy :o)

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Three's a crowd

I watched Lorraine Kelly interview a man this morning on his job, I couldn’t tell you what his title was (missed that bit sorry) but his role was to observe couples having sex & then advise them how to do it better. My first thought at seeing this was who made you the author of the Kamasutra? Besides the fact that this guy wasn’t in the slightest bit attractive (well not to me anyway) he just looked like your normal, average Joe Bloggs off the street.
When going into depth about his job he said while a couple is having sex he will watch them & let them know at the point he see’s something that they are doing wrong or could do better. Imagine that – you are just at the point of orgasm when you here “Excuse me sir, you need to thrust your cock a bit harder & faster”. On the flip side either person in the couple can ask him questions at any point (that’s nice of him). When asked don’t people get the giggles the reply was no, because if they are at the stage when they are asking for his help then they need him there. Questioned a little further as to whether anything he had seen had shocked him, he said yes but that fact that he is improving people’s sex lives makes whatever he sees worth it.
One of the many DVD's at Ann Summers 
She never actually asked him if he had ever been turned on by what he saw or if he had been invited to join in. Goodness knows what would happen if you went to ask him a question to see he had a massive hard on – awkward….

If my fella said to me he thinks that we should PAY (no fees were disclosed surprise surprise) for someone to watch us have sex & give us his advice on how to improve it (not that we need it of course) my answer would start in F & end in off!
I mean what kind of people actually pay for this? If you think your sex life is going stale or your partner isn’t doing it for you whack on a porn film, buy the lovers guide to sex & get some tips or visit Ann Summers & buy some accessories to spice things up. If that don’t work then film it yourself, watch it back & get out the flip chart to dissect your sex life & have a good old fashion chat about it – don’t pay Joe Bloggs the accountant look-a-like to tell you something you could have worked out yourself. After all sex ain’t rocket science people :o)

****All things shown in the images can be purchased from my mate Ann (Summers of course). She doesn't just do toys & clothes she has a wide range of accessories & DVD's as well. You can find her by clicking on the link at the top of the blog - happy days****

Monday, 3 December 2012

Everybody needs good neighbours

What annoys you most about your neighbours? Well a survey has found loud lovemaking to be the biggest pet peeves when it comes to the Jones' next door. Is there anything more annoying than this?
This is what featured both on the This Morning show & in The Sun newspaper last week, I mean come on really; who are these people they survey & where did they find them – in a convent?! I for one can think of hundreds of things that are more annoying about neighbours (their dog shitting in your garden is near the top of my list). So what if you hear your neighbours every now & then going hammer & tongs at it – I for one would salute them & may even high five them over the fence while hanging the washing out. People who moan about things like that are either prudes or they are jealous they are not getting any.

Bear in mind though just because someone screams loader between the sheets then they do at Alton Towers doesn’t mean they are enjoying it. Some people do it affect as they think that is what their partner wants to hear, I’m sure this must be a turn off. Everyone likes to hear that the other person is enjoying it but they don’t want to go deaf in the process.
On the reverse it must also be a turn off if someone just lays there silent & like a plank of wood, especially if the lights are out. I mean how would you know if they are enjoying it? Not sure if when you are in the throws of things how you can hold it in when you are about to orgasm, as even if you try to hold it in somehow a little moan manages to slip out.

So it’s best to remember that screaming can not only put your neighbours off their cocoa but is best left at the theme parks or to the porn stars :o)
****Add your own screams & moans to the bedroom with any of the products pictured in this post. Visit my mate Ann (Summers of course) who has these & a whole heap more to add a thrill to your ride - just click on the link at the top of the blog****

Saturday, 1 December 2012

Cum on girls....

So I was having a girly wine night putting the world to rights with my friend (yes your right I said that in another post but I’m not an alcoholic – honest) when she shows me a photo on her phone of some fab Jimmy Choo’s. “These are what my mate has just got” she says, well me first though (after you bitch I want some) is how on earth did she afford those?! Turns out she let her boyfriend cum all over her face to get them – YES you read that right!!
Are you being serious was what came out of my mouth & was written all over my face. Apparently she asks her boyfriend what he wants to do to her & she says she will do it for something expensive, be it shoes, a bag, jewellery whatever she wants the most on her “wish” list.
You don’t do sexual favours to get gifts, surly that makes her a hooker right? I mean everyone has seen Pretty Woman & that is exactly what happens & how it works.

Just this & a pair of shoes = thank you 
I said doesn't this girl have a job to buy her own stuff? Apparently she does but she gets him to buy her all the stuff she can’t afford! Not sure about everyone else but my mum taught me that if you can’t afford it you can’t have it. Besides which what happened to romance….
Surly you should wait till your other half gets you a gift; be it birthday, xmas or just a gesture of love then show your appreciation by giving a thank you blow job. That way the gift means something as they bought it for you because they wanted to, it’s a surprise & they will be grateful for your appreciation. For example if its shoes, he will be in heaven when he sees you standing there in them with not much else on to say thanks.

I personally would never lower myself or sell myself out for a pair of shoes (even me, a true shoe lover with over 100 pairs). If my man wants to cum on my face then it’s something that will happen in the flows of passion & not planned out at the cost of an expensive item. So girls please don’t follow in the footsteps of others, have more dignity & do things because you want to please your partner & not for Jimmy (Choo) or Christian (Louboutin).

****As always all the products featured in this post can be found from my mate Ann (Summers) by clicking on the link at the top of the blog & just for you there is 10% off with code AFFXMAS from 29.11.12 till 03.12.12 enjoy :o)

Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Look but don't touch - yeah right....

Most women don't understand why men go to strip clubs, pole dancing clubs or pay for a lap dance - I can honestly say I am not one of them. I have frequented many a strip club in my time & can completely see the attraction (to watch male strippers only of course!). I even ensured there was a stripper booked for my 21st birthday; I couldn't wait to see if I might get a surprise, it needed to be guaranteed.
Yes this is me in there somewhere
It all started when I was 15 & my friend’s aunt owned a pub down the road, she needed to collect something & I accompanied her, to my delight. It was only around 7:30pm but we walked right into some woman’s birthday bash complete with stripper (that was my first taster of what opened my eyes to the beauty of the male naked body). My eyes widened as he stood in front of me completely stark bollock naked, squirting baby lotion so it ran all down his body. Till it got to his cock & he flick it (without using his hands) & it went all in my face! I had never laughed so much in my life, partly with excitement & a little embarrassed.

Now when men visit strip clubs they have a no touch policy (unless they go to a sleazy back street joint & get asked if they want extras in a back room!) they can look & have the girls dance all over them but they are not allowed to touch. For some reason this is not the same for us ladies, as I found out when I ventured to a ladies night at Legs 11. I went with two of my friends, both of which had never been before, which I found this out when I chose to sit right at the foot of the stage to their horror. It was my birthday so my friend asked the dj if I could go on stage; YES PLEASE :o)
The best birthday present I could have asked for – getting strapped into a chair before the lights went down. As Black Stallion & Trojan came out in tiny shorts & pants I screamed so loud I think they must have heard me in China. In fact my excitement was so much that the straps broke on the chair & my hands were free to have a good old roam (I only rubbed theirs chests, legs & bums as hey they may have girlfriends/wives so I respected their privates). That particular treat cost me my voice, for a whole week to be exact!

You don’t have to go out though to enjoy the male naked form, treat yourself & get your man to dress up. I mean who wouldn't get turned on by seeing their bloke dressed as an officer all in white or better still a police man, that way he gets accessories as well to assist (cuffs, truncheon the possibilities are endless). I got my man a workman’s belt & it wasn't to help him do the DIY :o)
As for strip clubs, you should not judge it (without trying it); pole dancing is a skill you know. If you want to have a go you can get lessons, hell you can even buy the pole to erect in the bedroom (excuse the pun). See if there is a ladies night coming soon in your area, I promise you will have the time of your life; it really is a great girly night out. If you’re not in luck then visit Ann (Summers of course) she has some outfits to assist you with your own private dancer :o)

Merry Christmas :o)
***All outfits featured in the post are from Ann Summers, just click on the link at the top of the blog. Currently Ann is giving you 20% off for Christmas, that’s nice of her. Oh & the other photo is of course me smothered by two beautiful men on a ladies night****

Sunday, 25 November 2012

My lawful bedded wife

Almost every girl has a dream of one day getting married, whether it’s the big fairy tale princess wedding or a minimal little gathering with friends on a beach; we all have our idea of the perfect day. If you ask anyone what married life is like they always say the same thing – nothing has changed. Yet dig a little deeper & you un-cover a hidden truth, it appears marriage equals the end of sex! Now I have been to a few weddings in my time & as far as I can remember this is not part of the vows, unless I have missed something? I always thought that marriage brings you that bit closer together as it’s a huge commitment between two people for life, assuming that meant between the sheets too.

I actually have an on-going joke with one of my mates that her sex life is like going to church (forgive me lord for using this comparison), I say this as her & her husband only have sex on a Sunday! It’s probably even marked in the diary like clockwork every week – Sunday = SEX. When we have our general girly chat & something has occurred & they are not getting on, I always joke “He ain’t getting his Sunday service then”. However if it’s his birthday or he has done the chores (which I’m assuming happens as often as his birthday) he MIGHT get it twice that week!!
Which leaves me wondering in situations like this (& there are a few different ones I could mention) what happens if on that day one or the other doesn’t feel in the mood. Do you just go ahead & do it anyway to please your better half or make them wait? If you do that then what if they are not in the mood when you are? Or do you just say to hell with it & go solo with some manual handling?

I would like to think that when the day comes (& it bloody better) that I get married then not only would we commsumate the day with the biggest between the sheets bang ever but this would continue long into the marriage. Hell this is the only person you’re going to be getting intimate with so variety & spice is needed on a regular. Putting a ring on your finger does not have to mean that your pants are on lock down.

****Outfits & undies featured in this post can be purchased, as always, from my mate Ann (Summers of course). You will find her by clicking on the links at the top of the blog****

Friday, 23 November 2012

Who needs a man....

Some women will say that men are only good for one thing - sex, but do we really even need them for that? We have such a variety of toys out there to chose from to satisfy us & lets be honest we know exactly which of our own buttons to press so this satisfaction is guaranteed (plus you won't have to return the favour).
Any woman that say they haven't pleasured themselves are liers, we all have to explore the black hole at some point. Either whether you've gone solo or with a partner everyone has done it & I won't believe anyone that says they haven't - after all women have needs to you know!
Even I admit that some of these toys can look like scary contraptions (not that I've tried them all but I've seen a few in my time) however some are made to look quite realistic, they even come complete with names & veins!! But fear not there is one out there to suit all, whether your a clit simulator or need something to venture inside there is one with your name on; you just need to find which one fits (excuse the pun). Then again if your greedy & want it all then you can get some all singing all dancing toys :o)
The main ones for us women are vibrators & dildo's - only difference is one does most of the work for you & the other one is basically manual handling/do it all yourself.
One of the best EVER is the Rampant Rabbit. Don't be put off by the name cause this certainly isn't no cute, fluffy bunny - this is multiple orgasms at your finger tips that you control. It has around 7 different speeds & vibrations. This is a having your cake & eating it toy, you can use it as a dildo & insert it. Inside the cock shaped part there are little balls that turn around as well as the head of the cock rotating. Now this may sound painful but remember you have complete control, not only on how far you want it to go in but how fast it goes as there are easy accessible buttons at the base (hell why don't they make cocks like this & give men buttons instead of balls??!!). If your not feeling this then it also has two bits that stick out that look like bunny ears (hence the name) that vibrate on the clit. These go at different speeds again that you control by the buttons but for god sake don't whack it straight into the fastest setting as you may actually break your vagina - you need to ease her in gently.
Now if your a bit shy or want to start small then I suggest you try the bullet vibrator - much smaller in size but just as satisfying, hell you can even take it to your man's house in your handbag without worrying its poking out the zip. This is more of a clit pleaser then anything however is great for sharing. By this I obviously don't mean passing it round your mates, I mean between the sheets with your other half. If he has you in the doggy position & takes you from behind you can hold this  on your clit for that extra kick, it will have you dripping in minutes (if not seconds).

So as you see women as lovers are not greedy like men, we can share our toys & play nicely together but I can't say the same for theirs, I mean how can we join in with a fleshlight!! So whether your single, dating or married why not take a toy to bed - go on try it you never know you just might like it :o)

****Till Midnight Tuesday 27th November its 10% off ALL orders & FREE standard delivery at Ann Summers. So you can get a stress free orgasm delivered to your door & you won't even be expected to return the favour, in fact no one need to know - just you & Ann. She is waiting to assist, all you have to do is click the link on my blog****

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

What do they say about you....??

When I get dressed in the morning I wear something that is suitable to my mood & the weather of course, this extends all the way down to my underwear. When I go out & see how some people dress I often think clearly they didn't have the same thing in mind!
For example its freezing outside at the moment & whilst yes love you are wearing leggings not quite sure how you think they are gonna keep you warm the fact that they are see through. Besides that I can see your whole arse (not the actual hole of course) & you are clearly wearing NO underwear - WHY, why would you leave the house in broad day light dressed like that?? You could of at least got a cheese wire G string & made some effort.

I mean its not like there is no chose out there, variety is everywhere & most definitely the spice of life in this case. I'm not saying OMG its cold so you must get your biggest ever Bridget Jones' out but goodness don't these girls feel a chill on the cheeks.

There are all types of knickers for all types of occasions so I don't feel there is any need to go commando these days. Hell even if you wanna go out with your man for spontaneous sex there are even crotchless pants so he doesn't even have to go to the effort of sliding them to one side, he can just bend you over & away you go.
There are G strings & thongs to just cover the front enough to leave what is underneath to the imagination (unless you haven't waxed!!). French knickers to add a bit of sophistication but be sexy at the same time (personally a fav of mine). Shorts which I would say are mainly for comfort & relaxing in, unless you wear them under one of his office shirts - could get the pulse racing. The good old fashioned brief which isn't quite as big as Bridgets but again are for comfort or for when that monthly un-wanted visitor pays a visit. Finally there is the big old control high brief, something that does look like it will pop your ribs but does what it says on the tin - sucks it all in & from personal experience they do work (could still do with sucking even more in but hey some is better than none).

So girls quiet why some of you feel the need to leave your house without putting on your underwear, especially in winter is a mystery cause lets face it its really NOT a good look :o)

****All knickers featured in this post can be found by visiting my mate Ann (Summers of course) - links found at the top of the blog****

Monday, 19 November 2012

Grab some keys, you've pulled

Call me old fashioned but I thought when you get married its for keeps, for better or worse & all that. I mean by the time you say I do surly you know that the person is right for you & you want to spend the rest of your life with them. When you place that ring on your finger you are leaving behind anything & anyone that you use to do when you were single.
Clearly people have other ideas....There are these things called "key parties" or to the average person like us "swingers parties"!! Basically what happens is couples attend a party & at the beginning of the night the men place all their car keys in a fruit bowl then at the end of the night the women are blind folded, put their hands in the bowl & pick out a bunch of keys. Whoever's keys they pick out that is who they go home with for a night of sex!! (I'm taking it that it is just bad luck if you pick out your own husband?!).

Not sure about everyone but my mother raised me to be polite, however I don't do sharing!! Call me boring but this is a bit of a dangerous game to play. I mean what if your husband ends up in bed with some hot stunner who he falls for & ends up leaving you for her - your screwed literally. Or what if you end up with the "Mr Bean" of the group who has no idea what he is doing in the bedroom & you are left disappointed, I mean its not like you can get a refund.

This is a big thing that goes on, all you have to do is type into google swingers parties & your away - there are all different kinds from fancy dress right through to age limits (i.e if you want one just full of grannys then hey your luck is in). Clearly you have to pay to become a member, whether this is a one off fee or you then have additional costs of paying to attend these parties i'm not sure but the only thing I can think of as I read more about these events is WHY?!!

I mean if your other half is shit in bed then either make the time to train him to how you like it or leave him for someone who presses all your buttons, don't just go to a party have it away with someone else then go home the next day like nothing happened. What happens at the breakfast table; do you exchange notes with your partner about their extra curriculum activites or do you pretend like nothing happened? Either way I certainly couldn't then carry on my life never mind slide between the sheets with someone knowing full well that he has been pleasuring some random.
In order to enjoy these sort of things you have to be single surely then no one will get hurt & feelings aren't involved.
There is a saying why would a man go & get a burger when he has steak at home - which is very true. However variety is the spice of life & we need to bare that in mind. So instead of tempting fate treat your man to a different meal every night, don't let him go out & get a burger give him one at home - hell give him the lot steak, burger, pork, chicken (maybe not sausage - if you get my drift).
Oh & if you ever go to a dinner party & are asked to put your car keys in a fruit bowl I would make your excuses & leave.

Sunday, 18 November 2012

What men want

When it comes to choosing someone to be with, whether that be just for sex, short term or long term relationships what exactly are men looking for? I feel that we as the opposite sex should try & understand so that we stand at least half a chance of getting anywhere or any sort of action.

When you ask a man to describe what sort of woman he likes you will get the typical answers - Angelina Jolie, Kim Kardashian, Pamela Anderson & if you ask my better half then the answer will be Carol Vorderman!!
Now lets me totally honest how many people do you actually know or have actually even seen in real life that look anything remotely like any of them??!! These are clearly fantasies that men have which if that is what they are seeking we as women have 2 hopes - Bob Hope & no hope!

Men are clearly only thinking with their small head when they give these answers; I mean do they truly believe that Angelina Jolie gives a good blow job just because she has big lips. Everyone knows that a blow job is a cock in the mouth & has very little to actually do with the lips (not saying her lips wouldn't look good round a cock). Pamela Anderson gives a good tit wank as she has big boobs - I would say this is incorrect (not that I have tried or know anyone that has of course) as her boobs are fake & look like 2 hard rocks & again everyone knows that a tit wank is about wrapping the boobs round the cock! (Therefore movement in the breast area is essential).
As for Carol Vorderman lets be honest men don't like her because she can do a few maths sums, they like her figures but its the 32, 30, 34 they are interested in & not 10,000+2.5%.....

Its different for us women, yes we have our fantasies too but we have to use our imagination most of the time. We don't get to see the goods on show as men do, so they really do have the upper hand. With a woman she can show off her figure as much as she has the confidence to - cleveage on show, legs on show (personally I would only ever do one or the other or you could be bordering on trashy, we need to leave a little something to their imagination). But men are always covered up, especially the crown jewels. The only place that you would get even a sniff of what he has to offer is if you go swimming or to the gym & he has some spandex pants on & lets be honest who goes there to pull?!

So all in all what men really want doesn't actually exist in the real world but they can live in hope of one day meeting a woman who ticks (& licks) ALL the right boxes :)

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

You got mail

Well a second member of the CIA has been in the news for having an affair after last week some dude resigned for getting caught with his pants down. So called over 20,000 emails have been found in regards to the affair (I mean geeze how many times can you email someone asking for a fuck??!!).
Really what is the world coming too - whats wrong with men just having sex with their wives & whats with all these women wanted to fuck married men? I mean looking at this CIA bloke in the paper it is alleged that so far 2 women have come forward as to having an affair with him, one question - why? He looks like a plain & normal everyday old guy, not good looking & certainly nothing special (I'm thinking he may have a massive cock or be mega wealthy & it must be the latter as how would they know he had a big one without seeing it!!).

I will never understand why men can't just stick to being with their wives, I mean they married them for goodness sake - for better or worse right....If after a while it gets worse & appears not to get better then leave, there is a thing called a divorce, don't just go out & bang someone else. Men should realize that having your cake & eating it will eventually give you indigestion - i.e you WILL get caught.

Don't get me wrong women ain't all saints & innocent, in fact some women only go after married guys as they want the sex & gifts without the hassle (I personally call these type of women sluts). I don't get it there are so many good looking SINGLE guys yet they prey on some poor woman's husband who ends up thinking with his dick & giving in.

I could go on talking about this subject for literally hours however just wanted to prove a point that cheating men & sluts are everywhere; in charge of countries & peoples lives, hell you probably sit next to one on the bus everyday.

Monday, 12 November 2012

What a loada wank....

Why is it that men find the need to wank?? I mean you can understand it when they are younger as they are experimenting with the little fellow & what to know what he does (its a new toy - tug it & it spurts!!) but why do they find the need to carry this on into adult life?

I can kind of see my way around the thought process if they are single because lets be honest you have to take what you can get & if a night with Palm & her 5 sisters is all that's on offer then beggars can't be choosers (would you believe that phrase is actually in the Urban Dictionary with a description of A term used by males to refer to a night spent masturbating hahahahaha - you just couldn't make this stuff up).

However some men do it even when they are in a relationship. Again I can understand (slightly) if your other half is away for a few days or you don't see them much as men have pride too. Lets be honest who wants to shoot their load after just 3 minutes of fun or not even get that far & its all over from just a lick of the tip - embarrassing (& messy). So I can kinda see they wanna build the old stamina but men who see their partners everyday still do it....
Again if your not around when the urge takes them then they are just gonna bang on out - WHAT IS WRONG WITH WAITING?? You mean to tell me they can't hang on even a few more hours till your back.
I certainly don't buy all this bollox the celebs use of i'm a "sex addict" what a cop out. I'm surprised it hasn't been in the news yet that the NHS are funding people that are claiming to have this - maybe the good old general public haven't caught onto that one as yet.

Now I know women do this too (let's refer to it as flicking the bean because wanking doesn't sound right for women) but I like to think we have a lot more control over when we do this & can control our urges much more than men!! Don't even say to yourself you don't do it cause even if you don't on a regular you have at some point, EVERYONE explores whats in their pants.
Clearly its designed to be a solo sport never the less it can be shared, men find it a great turn on to watch a woman play with herself (if your not confident then I suggest a large glass or 3 of wine first). It all adds to keeping it spiced up between the sheets.

As I read this back I feel like I have almost answered my own initial question of why do men wank but don't be fooled as I haven't quite cracked this little puppy yet....

Santa baby....

I thought I would add a little festive cheer to this post as it is coming up to that time of year again (only 6 Saturdays left before the big day!!). Now some of you maybe wondering what to get that certain someone as a gift - maybe your husband, boyfriend (or girlfriend), bit on the side, fuck buddy only you know. Why not go all out, as well as being a little selfish & get a Sexy Miss Santa outfit - that way he gets a present to un-wrap (you of course) & you both get a good seeing too! 

Now the outfit itself is only £30 (which when he see's you in it is a small price to pay for the look on his face). The accessories are sold separate but are not essential, however I can personally say that a pair of white fish net stockings work a beaut teamed up with a pair of red fuck me shoes (the higher the better but make sure you can walk in them first!!).

Ann Summers do have a number of different versions of this festive little number, I can also recommend the "Miss Clause Sexy Christmas" outfit - works a treat.
Lets face it, its not everyday that you get to dress up or have a little role play & what better time than Christmas. You can even get him to sit on your knee if you wanna go all out & ask if he has been a good boy this year, only it will be his sack that is being emptied not yours :o)

Now if you are a bit more daring, are on a bit more of a budget but still like having a bit of fun then maybe you could go for the "All wrapped up" dress.
As you can see it is somewhat more revealing & lets be honest you are more than likely gonna need someone to tie it up, never mind have him un-tie you (not very practical & may definately kill the mood).
At £18 for a large ribbon to wrap around yourself i'm not really convinced but would love to hear if anyone has given it a go. If it were me then my man would probably come in & find me with it tied in a double knot which I can't undo & am getting very fustrated at!! Either that or I would have tied myself to the bed or something as equally stupid....

Its fun, original & will gaurentee a night of passion, so while you are sat browsing the web pop on over & see Ann (I have links to the sight located on the blog page) she might have a few stocking fillers for ya to assist with a VERY SEXY CHRISTMAS :o)

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Plastic fantastic

I often wonder what type of man actually buys a blow up doll, I mean really some of them don't even look like real women - they look like a molded bit of plastic with a big gaping hole in the front of the head!!
However when you look at some of the girls that go round now adays really some of them are just glorified, walking talking blow up dolls....

Men go out to a bar or club (or where ever you go to pull these days) & go for the picture perfect looking girls - nice figure (arse & tits) & pretty face. They go to all the effort of trying to chat them up, buy them a drink etc all in the hope of a blow job or a shag, hey maybe even just a lick on the end of the head it all counts (got to have something to tell the lads after all).
Anyway imagine their horror when they wake up in the morning (pretend they have been that lucky - work with me here) in bed next to a completely different girl. He rubs his eyes looking around the room & see's strips of hair laying on the arm of the chair, eye lashes on the dresser, chicken fillets (bra fillers or fake slip in boobs for those that don't know!) on the floor with her underwear & nails on her bedside cabinet. When he looks at the person in the bed it appears he has slept with Sinead O'Conner & not Pamerla Anderson who he actually left the club with....

Personally I call that false advertising, making guys think you look one why then taking it all off to reveal a complete other person. The real woman gets my vote everytime, i'm all for taking care of yourself, grooming & making an effort but there are limits.
I mean you can get fake everything these days - even a fake arse!! Thats right, if you don't want to permanently look like Kim Kardashian by getting a butt implant then you can get these special pants that have butt lift panels in them. Somewhere there is some poor soul pulling a girl thinking his luck is in as he is an arse not a boob man, his eyes light up as he imagines banging it out from behind only for her arse to be left in her clothes when she takes them off - tut tut ladies.

I am actually starting to think that men would be better of getting a blow up doll, at least they know what they are getting, exactly what it says on the pack. Then if she bursts or gets a puncture they won't be surprised.    

Monday, 5 November 2012

The token gesture

So I was in a changing room in a high street store (not mentioning names but no its not Primarni!!) when I hear two gaggling girls from the cubical next to me, conversation goes -
Girl one "Never guess what Mark did yesterday"
Girl two "No whats that, was it something cute?"
Girl one "He only went & had my name tattooed on his arm, how cute is that"
Girl two "OMG I wish someone would do something like that for me, does it look the bomb"
Girl one "Defo the bomb, is it written in Hebrew. He is so gonna get it tonight, especially when he see's me in this outfit"

Now I ain't a mind reader & I didn't even see these girls but I'm guessing that neither her, her boyfriend or anyone they know speaks or understands Hebrew!! Talk about easily pleased, come on girls we are worth more than that. Lets face it, he got it in Hebrew so that if you break up he can tell the next girl its his mums name or his pet budgie....Besides if he went to the trouble of having his body inked FOR LIFE just to get a blow job then more fool him.
He probably spun her the line that it looks better in Hebrew rather than English - well I hope he did his research cause for all he knows it says "I'm a twat" in Hebrew, how would he know?! In fact if I was a tattooist I would do something like that on purpose hahahaha.

At least Steveo from Jack Ass has "your name" tattooed on his arse, least that why when he says to a girl I got your name tattooed on my arse as a chat up line he isn't lying.

If any man offered or suggested he get a tattoo with my name on as a declaration of love/commitment however you want to put it then it would be in English - out there loud & proud for all to read.
After all a tattoo is for life not just for a blow job :o)

Saturday, 3 November 2012

Anything goes......Really??!!

So I was sitting in my pj's with a diet coke (as you do) having a catch up, gossipping & putting the world to rights - which is what us women do best, when my friend asks have I ever tried an anything goes sex night? Er no love do explain (I know it sounds obvious but I wanna check we are talking about the same thing). Basically you get in a loada booze & then you & your man have a night of sex where as the clue is in the title anything goes - he says what he wants you to do & visa versa.

Now on the surface of it this sounds like fun, adventurous & definitely I am up for trying new things however surely there needs to be rules here. I mean what if your man pulls out a strap on, bends over & says "there you go love, now its your turn to bang away" NO THANK YOU!!
Not to mention if he says that he has invited someone else to join in as after all you did tell him anything goes so he thought what the hell why not.

I did discuss this with my better half as I wondered what he thought, as a typical man his reply was "can I invite a couple of other women" which proves my theory on the second point above! The look of death I shot him made him give a nervous laugh which put pay to that idea. However he did say it sounded like fun (even though there is not that much really left to try) & that I would probably get him dressed up & stripping for me HELL YEAH :o)
When I said to him that there would have to be rules he said that goes without saying & if one of us said something the other person didn't like or one of us felt uncomfortable in a situation we would need a code word, like (wait for it) banana, banana, banana!! Now I agree with the whole code word thing but shouting out banana 3 times when your in mid flow is bound to kill the mood without a shadow of a doubt.

Also while I sit here writing mulling over trying this concept, I'm thinking what if the first person gets their fantasy then falls asleep, due to there being alcohol (praying there would be no sick involved) where does that leave the other?! Dry obviously & very turned off but does that mean they have to wait till you have another anything goes night?? Someone might go without somewhere along the way.
Now I don't mean to put a dampner on the idea I'm just thinking of all scenario's & the more I sit & think about it the more its putting me off to be honest.

I can't speak for everyone but I certainly don't need drink or have a pre planned date to dress up for my man or try something new, if one of us wants to give something a go we do - go us. But if you are liking the thought of this idea then go forth & give it a go, just remember there has to be rules & don't forget the all important code word - banana's.

Thursday, 1 November 2012

Hip hop had the answer all along....

There are some people you know, be it men or women, that I bet you look at & think god I bet they are a boring in bed - unfortunately some people just have that sort of personality (or lack of) that makes you think that. I do all the time, in fact I have often laughed with my beter half about this very subject. We often say things like "I bet she is so boring in bed she reads a book while he is fucking her" or "She probably says to her husband just get on with it if your gonna do it!"
Very judgemental I know but hey don't we all stereo type people or judge them at some point (& don't say you don't cause we all do but most of you just keep it to yourself).

One thing I can tell you for definate is the people you look at & think they are boring in bed or don't have sex you are WRONG!! They are the ones that are the rudest & most adventurous when in comes to between the sheet activites - they just don't broadcast it.
Even the prudest of people are the rudest, its all a front. They are at it all - different positions, anal, role play, rimming the lot.

Now I am definately one for returning favours when it comes to sex & certainly don't shy away from trying something new, however there are some things I believe women should definately recieve & NOT give. Like rimming for example (being as I mentioned it) - you may have heard it being called a number of things,like a chocolate star fish (which is my favourite). Now I have personally recieved this, by mistake I might add, however I thought it felt great in fact don't mind if I do accept it every now & again. Call me selfish but I am not returning that favour....the hairy black hole no thank you.
I do know people that do this (on a regular to their husbands/boyfriends) to which they have advised me it tastes of nothing - sorry ladies that ain't for me, if I want to floss I will go to the bathroom cabinet for that!!
Another is a finger in the arse, this is also great especially in the doggy position - adds that little extra kick to the orgasm. However yet again as much as it is meant to be great for the man too to recieve this i'm afraid its not happening from me. If ever I have a chocolate finger it will have come out of a purple cadburys box & not from sticking up my mans arse!

So my point & how hip hop has the answer, well Ludacris has sung or rapped in a few of his tunes that men want "A lady in the street but a freak in the sheets" & this girls (& guys if your reading) is oh so true. You wouldn't look at David Camerons wife & think she sticks her finger up his arse on a regular but I bet she bloody does :)

Monday, 29 October 2012

Men V Women - different rules

One thing I have never understood is why if a guy sleeps with a thousand girls (maybe even multiple at one time) he is looked upon as some sort of god amoungst other guys & is "high fived". If a girl sleeps with even a fraction of the number of guys she is classed as a slut....
Do these men not stop to think that the girls they are working their way through are just exactly the same as them - only difference is that you have different bits?!

Everyone who is everyone has a time in their lives where they go through that stage, call it what you like - having fun, being single or just plain whoring around. At the end of the day no sex before marriage is so few & far between now a days, even if it does exist I believe these people are likely to stray at some point.
Lets be honest everyone needs to "try before you buy" otherwise how do you know you like it or if it even fits??
Men are like shoes - you wouldn't go into a shop & buy a pair of Jimmy Choo's without trying them on first, what would be the point in that. You might spend all that money for them not to fit & then you end up taking them back & swapping them.
Men work out to be expensive too (if they are the right one & the one you marry) look at all those birthdays, christmas', valentines days & anniversaries! Therefore its best to know you wanna keep him before investing all that time, effort & money otherwise you will end up exchanging.

Don't get me wrong when you have the right one there is nothing wrong with window shopping as look as you don't purchase anything - in fact don't even try it on!!

There are so many similarities between men & shoes its a joke, for example -
Expensive shoes are more than likely not only expensive & will hurt your feet, you don't NEED them you WANT them theres a difference. So you spend all your money on the best looking pair of shoes ever, they look great (5 inch peep toe sling backs - Christian Louboutin of course) however your feet kill you :o(
Yet if you would have say gone to Clarks the shoes are not great looking & not as expensive but boy are they comfy, you don't want them but they fit like a glove & feel like slippers :o)
Its exactly the same with men - the ones that look gorgeous, stunning, great body, chissled etc you WANT yet are more likely to be the ones that break your heart. The Mr Nice Guy who doesn't spend 2 hours getting ready or spend more than you on cosmetics you NEED him. He will love you & treat you like a princess.

Now obviously I am just generalising & this is not the case everytime (before I am in un-dated with a million comments how "my mans not like that!") but just think about it when you look back through your little black book of ex's & I bet you will see some truth in my comparrison....

RULE OF THUMB - Try before you buy :o)

Sunday, 28 October 2012

Sex exactly as it is....

As you looked at the title of this Blog you are wondering what its all about which is why you have chosen to read on - well the clue is in the name; its about sex, telling it exactly as it is. No sugar coating, no pussy footing around just straight to the point.
I'm a 30 year old woman who always says it as it is, honest frank opinions are all you will get from me & that is one of the things I like about myself. If you don't want to know the truth its best not to ask, after all they do say the truth is harsh.
I have always been very open minded & down to earth, never being one to mince my words which I find people prefer (as do I). I'm not a Dr or a porn star (even though I have learnt a thing or too from Ron Jeremy) nor am I claiming to know everything - however I feel the knowledge I do have should be shared as it has been of great use not only to myself but to my friends in the past. From giving advise on how to give a blow job to a man without a fore skin (by improvising on a banana non the less, which was part of free staff fruit provided at work) to explaining what rimming means! There is not much that will embarrass me or turn my cheeks red, well the ones on my face anyway :o)

When 50 Shades of Grey came out my friends said "you were meant to write a book like that". The truth is if I did then it would make 50 Shades look like a comic strip!! I'm not a "her hand slid down his member" kind of girl - after all a member of what?? I am straight forward, right to the point "her hand slid down his cock!!" After all we are all adult right & lets be honest when you are between the sheets with your very own Mr Grey you don't whisper in his ear "Ooh babe why don't you slip your tinky winky into my frofro" do you??!! That's play ground stuff, I don't even call it a willy to be honest cause I'm not 10 years old. Some may think its rude or maybe even that there is no need for it but if that is the case then don't read on as its only gonna get worse hahahaha.

In my entries I will include tips/hints to help with your bedroom activities & welcome any comments or questions along the way. There will be clothes & toys for every situation, some if not all tried & tested (well you can't suggest something if you haven't tried it out first - best to be prepared). Links of where you can purchase such items & don't worry if your shy about going to the shops & being seen going into one of "those" shops we have good old Internet shopping so it just turns up on your door step in a suspicious brown paper bag instead (only joking).

So sit back & I hope you enjoy the ride with me & that I am of some use to some of you x